I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
