So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
