Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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