Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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