Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
