There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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