I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
