i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
