New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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