In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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