WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So. Much. Porn.
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