my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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