on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
