I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
