my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
