Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize