Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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