I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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