The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
