I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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