The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
