eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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