someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
