last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
