Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
