I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
