I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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