I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
