But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
