Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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