Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
