My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
