His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
