I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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