I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
