I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize