This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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