my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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