Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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