hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
