I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
