I CAN MOONWALK!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
