i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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