I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
