Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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