new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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