No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
