dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
