9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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