Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize