The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nutella sex= disaster
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
