Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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