Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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