I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
