i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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