Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
