one two three fourrrrnication!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
