She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will be naked everywhere
I didn't notice because vodka
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
