Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
