he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
