i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
