i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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