Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
