with your own penis?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
