i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
