i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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