If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
