i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
