gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
