I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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